We won't sleep together?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
