I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
