Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
