why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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