So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
