I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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