dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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