420 ftw
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My Higher Power is John Stamos
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
