haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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