Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
