I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
