I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
