There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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