Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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