Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
