The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
