why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I could fuck to npr.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
