i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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