She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
