69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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