they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
