my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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