Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
