I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
