it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
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