Non-Jews are for practice
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
