1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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