new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
