quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
