Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
