who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
