he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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