I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
