Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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