He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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