Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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