i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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