Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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