he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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