we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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