ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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