batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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