He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
