also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
