I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
