If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
