I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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