I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
