We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
