Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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