Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wish there were birth control emojis
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You pole danced in your parka.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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