Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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