oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
