Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We need a shit load of segways right now
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
