Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
