I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
